[Veronica]

[plantfood]

It isn't as though kissing Veronica Mars is the best thing about dating her, but Mathias has to acknowledge that it's certainly near the top of the list. Were it anywhere else, he would have to be a complete crazy person with no sense of sight or touch and no interest in kissing whatsoever. Since he is in possession of all those things, he can't deny that he likes kissing her very much and because it's so near the top of the list of great things about dating Veronica Mars, Mathias is currently leaning down, his arms around her back, mouth pressed to hers as he walks her slowly back toward the wall behind her.

They're in her hut, not his, only because Stacy is there. She'd never cause tension on purpose, but Mathias feels he knows her well enough now to know she might bust in on them and not think anything of it. He also knows Veronica would likely not be very pleased with such a turn of events and so they're here instead.

They've kissed. They've kissed a lot, but they haven't done much else. Mathias isn't one for pushing and he can wait, but it's been nearly six months now, so he doesn't still his hand when it slides up under the hem of Veronica's shirt. He barely even notices when his fingers spread over her ribs and then higher, kissing her all the while.

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[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

It's a difficult thing to classify, the surprise of it and the lack of surprise, the way it feels completely natural, even desirable, at the same time that it makes Veronica jerk back a little. She's closer to the wall than she realized, falling back against it. That might have been her original intention, but she's caught off guard enough to pull back, though she doesn't yet say anything.

Mostly because she's not sure what, if anything, to say. On one hand, she kind of can't help wanting it. On the other hand, she's not given much thought yet to whether or not she's even ready. The third hand's up her shirt.

[plantfood]

"I'm sorry," Mathias says immediately, not knowing if he's done something wrong or something surprising or something very right. Under her shirt, his hand stills, although he doesn't pull back just yet. Just in case it's something right that he's done.

It's a bit of a struggle not to just press her into the wall again, but he shifts, then waits, waiting Veronica with wide eyes. He knows what he wants, but that isn't necessarily the same thing she wants.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"No, it's -" Veronica turns her head to the side, trying to figure out what it is she's saying. She's never been one to just go along with something placidly, never one not to speak her mind, but that generally requires that she know her own mind on the matter. It's not like she doesn't want more, except for the part where some bit of her doesn't, not yet.

Explaining why is easy when it's to herself. Telling anyone else is like invading her own privacy, sharing too much. It's not like she doesn't trust him. It's just simpler when things are slow and certain, when she knows what's happening. "You caught me off guard," she says. "Just - I'm not -" Reaching up, she scratches at her brow and leans back against the wall, more a motion of cessation than an invitation.

[plantfood]

"I'm sorry," Mathias says again and his hand slides down, resting at her waist. She doesn't need to finish that sentence for him to understand what she means and he's okay with that, he really is. There have been times with other girls, other relationships when he's been the one putting on the brakes -- only because they've never compared to Ilyse and he realizes only now that that's what he used to do.

"It's too much?" he asks after deciding he must. They both keep things to themselves, but they're also both adults and this is something that will come up again if he doesn't ask now.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," she murmurs, nodding. "No. I don't know." There's a lot Veronica doesn't like in this world, but not knowing's damn high on the list. Acting skittish follows it pretty closely. She's halfway to bolting, and the realization only makes her more intent on staying put. Normal people do this all the time. It shouldn't be this hard for her.

She sighs, offering him a rueful smile. "Sorry. I just completely killed the mood there." Resting her hands on his wrists, she shrugs, trying to find the right words. "I want to, I just... freak out easily, which is, I know, a really attractive feature in a girl."

[plantfood]

"Don't be sorry," Mathias answers and although he smiles briefly, he isn't joking. He's mostly just trying to put her at ease and let her know there really is nothing at all to be sorry for. It's also probably fairly obvious he still finds her attractive, whether or not she thinks it's a quality he appreciates, and he steps back slightly, giving her some room.

"We should... maybe talk about this?" he asks, feeling slightly awkward having to have this sort of conversation. Neither of them are the type to talk and he likes that, but some things need to be said, it seems.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

Just because he's right doesn't mean Veronica can't make a face about it. "Do we have to?" she asks. "Talking is so overrated."

She knows they do, though. If not now, it'll come up later and there's no real use in prolonging something so awkward. Reaching up, she brushed her hair back. "Besides," she jokes, "I got the whole birds and bees talk from my mom years ago. I'm set."

[plantfood]

At that, Mathias's mouth does turn up into a genuine smile and a soft breath of laughter escapes him. If nothing else, Veronica does know how to make him laugh, even in this situation, where he feels uncomfortable and strangely awkward.

"My father did the same for me," he offers, brushing his fingers over her arm gently. "It was very uncomfortable and at the end, I still didn't understand anything. But you know what I mean."

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I know." It's always a relief, getting people to laugh, breaking the tension. She relies on that ability, she knows she does, but only becomes it comes in handy all the time. Talking about this is dangerously like sharing her feelings. "I've just always been... cautious. I know this might come as a surprise, but I have this niggling tendency to want to call the shots."

[plantfood]

"You can," Mathias answers with a small, genuine smile. "I'm not trying to rush anything or ask for... a schedule, but I just want to know what..." He pauses, struggling to find the right words in English. Before Veronica, he's always been able to have this conversation in German and he's struggling with his English for the first time in a few months.

"Sorry," he apologizes again and gives a laugh.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"It would help if I knew," Veronica admits. Little though she wants to think about it, she knows he's been patient. It doesn't hurt that she trusts him, though that's not something she wants to think about either.

"You can... I was only surprised, I didn't... actually mind." Just saying it makes her flush, something prickling along the back of her neck, and it's times like these she actually remembers how young she is, that she gets all embarrassed about these things.

[plantfood]

Now that they're talking, he's nervous, and when Veronica says she didn't mind, he laughs again and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly with one hand. It's almost an invitation to put his hands on her again, but he doesn't, just offers her a faint smile.

"I never want to do anything that you don't want to do," he says honestly, deciding that's the best way to go right now. "I hope you know that already, but I thought maybe... it would be best to say it out loud."

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"I know." It means a hell of a lot more than Veronica can say, being able to trust him like that, so certain he'll never push her anywhere she doesn't want to be. "I want to. Not - not now," she adds quickly, licking her lips, "not today. I don't know when, but... I do want to. It's just... the men who came before you - and there haven't been many - didn't necessarily... leave the best impression. It's... difficult to move past that."

It's not fair that he gets stuck with the mess that Cassidy and Duncan and the rest left behind, but she can't help that about herself. Even knowing that makes her sick, but she focuses on him, offering a wry little smile as she slides her hands up to his shoulders. If nothing else, it makes her appreciate all the more how patient he is, how good to her.

[plantfood]

Sadly, Mathias understands that better than he wants to, and he nods, wrapping his arms around Veronica again. After Ilyse, after all the pain she put him through, he knows how difficult it is to let someone back in and trusting them not to cause that same sort of pain. Veronica is worth that, though, and he hopes she thinks he is as well.

"Not today," he agrees with a smile, then presses a kiss to her forehead. He's less nervous now, less awkward, and it's easier to relax into her hands on his shoulders.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

Closing her eyes, Veronica leans her head against his shoulder. She's so far from everything that came before; her whole life here is a reminder of just how far she's come and still she can't shake it. "Until then," she says, tone much lighter now, "we're pretty good at that whole kissing thing. Like, makeout experts here."

[plantfood]

"The best on the island," he agrees with a grin, rubbing his hands down the length of her back. "And that is not exactly something I mind terribly. It is more than enough."

It's not exactly a hardship, anyway, making out with Veronica. Just being with her feels great, but as cheesy as that sounds, he won't say it out loud.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

As much as she hates to be the kind of girl who prizes a quality like safe so highly, there's no denying that, here and now, Mathias is exactly that or that it's one of the things she appreciates most in him. Sam was a great reminder that people leaving has nothing to do with the whims of some island. It's just people. Somehow, she doesn't imagine Mathias is going anywhere.

"Damn right," she says, smirking up at him. Just because she's thinking it doesn't mean she's about to actually say something as lame as thank you.

[plantfood]

"I am very good at what I do," he says with a teasing lilt to his voice, then nudges her chin up gently with the tips of his fingers, kissing her again. No pushing this time, one hand under her chin and the other resting against her back, but he still loves to do this. "Doesn't mean we should not get some more practice, though, ja?" he asks against Veronica's mouth.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"Oh, practice is very important," she agrees, smiling. "Don't want to lose touch." Threading her fingers in his shirt, she tugs him closer, head tipping up to kiss him again. With the talk, such as it was, behind them, it's easier still to let go and lean into him, remembering how much she enjoys this and him.