Mathias

Mailbox for Mathias

There are days when Mathias isn't quite so sure why he does this. Every so often, building something comes naturally to him and he feels like he's picked something he's good at, but then, the rest of the time, the pieces don't quite come together or the delicate woodwork he's trying to do ends up flawed and there's a part of him that wants to scrap the whole thing.

At the very least, this rocking chair isn't meant to be a gift for anyone, just an addition to his own hut.

"Maybe I am being too ambitious," he says to Mal, leaning back a little to appraise his work. They're just outside Serenity, one of the places Mathias has found he likes best when he's not on the beach or at his place. It's familiar to him and he likes being close to an engine, likes knowing there is still something much bigger than him out there in the world.

"Maybe a nice table would be easier," he says with a laugh, wiping sweat from his forehead.

"No!" Sam says from her place nearby in the sand. "A rocking chair!"

Though he won't admit it, even to himself, Mathias is slightly nervous.

He's made the best preparations he can, managing to take over the television in the basement for the time being, although he hasn't had as much luck with the bookshelf as he'd been hoping. It seems to know he's looking for something in particular and so has been giving him all sorts of other movies. Eventually, it gave up two monster movies, though neither of them are from the fifties and he's a little disappointed by that. The titles, however, are especially ridiculous and so he hopes they're still entertaining enough.

He's telling this to Julie as he leads her down to the television, holding both movies in his hand. "So our options for tonight, anyway, are Sharktopus or Two-Headed Shark Attack. I am not sure which one sounds more absurd." They both look to be fairly recent, too, perhaps even made after his time and Mathias isn't sure what that says about the modern movie going experience.

It's early enough still that the girls might be sleeping, so when Mathias knocks, he does so softly. He told Neil days ago to be ready, that he wanted to go surfing after having not gone for months, it seems like, so he's hoping that he's not going to wake Neil up, too.

The borrowed surfboard is propped up, not far away, and Mathias glances back toward it as he waits, hoping that he hasn't been loud enough to wake the dogs either. Though he and Neil both have plenty of help, it's rare for them to get together without all the girls and dogs involved and he finds that he's really looking forward to it. The island has changed his life in a lot of ways and he's grateful for all of them, but sometimes, it's still nice to take a break.

He has a towel, dry clothes, some food tossed in a bag. As far as he can tell, it's going to be a good day.

It's only Hal with him on the beach today; the other dogs tend to stick close to Sam and Sam is with Lucy, but Hal, somehow, she's become his dog. He never knew her previous owner, knows only that he and River were close, and that, at least, makes him think that, whoever he was, he must have been a good guy. But he doesn't know what he was like, doesn't know what it is about him that makes Hal want to stay by his side most of the time, but he finds he doesn't mind. Before the island he was certainly not a dog person, preferring the company of his small cat, but things change.

The island changes things.

It's early evening, the sun is still at least a half hour from dipping behind the trees and Mathias doesn't want to move from this spot. He's gone for a dive, his scuba equipment is sitting on the sand beside him and he's still dripping, but he makes no move to reach for his towel. Sometimes, he knows, awful things happen to the people here. They lose their loved ones and people die, the island isn't a safe haven from that, but at this moment, he's happy to be here. He's happy to be alive.

There are plants in the hut he shares with Lucy and Sam, only two, one in the main room and one in his bedroom, but they're there. Even a few months ago he might have had trouble sleeping with them there, but no longer. Back home, he's dead. Acceptance of that has been a long time coming, but he thinks it's finally here. He's dead. Henrich is dead. Stacy is dead.

But not now and not here.

Smiling faintly, he reaches over and strokes Hal's fur, then lifts his hand to wave to the figure coming down the beach toward him.

Mathias wakes from the island, almost as if it's been nothing but a dream.

For a long time, nothing makes sense. The light in his bedroom is different than the light that should have been filtering into the hut and the air doesn't smell right. He can smell the pollution in the air and then, distantly, the sound of the city below comes to him. Car horns and people talking, shouts, laughter, the hum of existence that had never been quite so loud on the island as it was in Munich.

Because he's home. Somehow. The island has been left behind and rather than being returned to that hilltop to meet the knife in Eric's hand, he's here in his flat in Munich. He lies in his bed, his gaze drifting toward the plants in his bay window and it's only a moment before his tiny cat jumps up onto the bed and meows softly. No time at all has passed. He's never even gone to Mexico.

Somewhere, Henrich is still alive.

Somewhere in California, Mathias thinks, is Veronica.

The cat meows again softly and Mathias slowly sits up in his bed. His hands are shaking and he's aware that so much has been given back to him with this. His life, his brother, everything he's ever known, but so much else has been taken away. It takes a long time for him to finally get out of bed, longer still to make the phone call to Henrich and his brother's voice rings clear over the telephone line. They talk about their upcoming trip and in mere minutes, Mathias has Henrich convinced that they should forget about Mexico this year and travel to California instead. The surfing is better, he insists, and it doesn't take long for Henrich to agree.

They hang up, plans made and he looks around his empty apartment. On the desk in the office are his engineering texts, his laptop, his cell phone and iPod. There are travel brochures for Mexico and he wishes that he knew enough about the others to call them. An anonymous call to Stacy might change their lives, but he doesn't have their contact information and he doesn't even remember where they're from.

Mathias doesn't cry. But for a long time he sits at the small table in his kitchen, sunlight spilling over his face, and he rests his head in his hands.

-

Within a week, they're flying to California and Mathias has no idea what he's going to do when they arrive. Henrich thinks they'll be staying in San Diego, but Mathias knows where he's going. Something has changed and though he's sure that there was no town called Neptune before he spent time on the island, there is now. He's looked it up on maps, on wikipedia, done as much research as possible and it doesn't matter how it exists, just that is does.

He knows why. He's supposed to go there. That's why it's here now when it never was before.

They fight in the airport when they arrive. It's so familiar that Mathias almost hugs Henrich in the midst of their argument, right after calling him a stubborn asshole, and it isn't until Henrich asks why he wants to go to Neptune that the fight comes to a swift end.

"For a girl," Mathias says and Henrich has no answer to that.

He grins, a sight Mathias has missed more than he knows how to say, then claps Mathias on the shoulder. "You should have said so." Then he turns toward the baggage claim and that's the end of the conversation. They're going to Neptune.

When Mathias looks at his watch, he's suddenly very aware that Henrich would be on that hill already. Maybe even dead. If he can change that, he thinks, then this isn't so crazy. If he can save his brother's life, then maybe he'll find her here.

-

It isn't very hard to find Mars Investigations and as Henrich spots a pretty girl down the street, Mathias looks up at the building apprehensively. Veronica may be in there, but it's more likely Keith Mars he's going to meet inside and he isn't sure how to even begin to explain this. I knew you and your daughter both on a magical island. I loved her. It doesn't sound sane and Mathias doesn't know how much they remember, if anything.

He stands there for a long time, glancing up and down the street as he tries to make a decision.

"You know, my daughter isn't going to appreciate it much if I have to tell her that you've been skulking."

Mathias glances up at the voice and finds himself at a loss for words. Keith Mars is standing in front of him with a faintly amused smile.

"Veronica's never liked skulkers much," Keith continues, holding the door open for Mathias to follow him inside.

"No," Mathias manages to get out finally, entering the building. The cool, dim interior is calming and he follows Keith up the stairs and into an office with a desk and a couch. It's empty for now, but Mathias knows it won't be for long.

"She's still in high school, you know," Keith continues conversationally. "We've never quite figured out how the timing works. Sometimes I think this isn't even the same world we left the first time. If it were, you'd still be in high school, too, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," Mathias says, and he sits on the couch, his legs weak. "But I'm not. Judging by the books in my apartment, I was in my second year of school after the army, so I must be at least twenty-three."

"A little old for my eighteen-year-old daughter," Keith says, but he's still smiling as he sits down as well. "I've had to make adjustments to my way of thinking since we came back. I had to talk her out of going to Munich at least twice. It's been a few months and she's... well, I wouldn't use the term pining, mostly because she'd kill me, but she's been waiting."

"For what?" Mathias asks.

The look Keith gives him makes it clear, but still he says, "For you, you idiot. I don't mean that in the traditional way. She's still Veronica, but she's not always entirely here. I guess none of us are."

"How..." But there's no question to be asked that Keith can answer, Mathias knows this. He's also beginning to suspect that the other man is right. This isn't the world they'd left the first time. It's something else. Another version of the island, perhaps, a place where timelines cross and shift until they meet. Mathias had returned home to a place in time before he'd left the island and it sounds as if Veronica has as well.

If this is a second -- third? -- chance, it's an extremely strange one.

"She'll be at school for another hour," Keith says, glancing at the time before he returns to his desk and begins to shuffle through paperwork. "Maybe you should be there when she gets out of class."

It takes Mathias a moment, but eventually he stands. His legs are still shaking, but he smiles at Keith, an expression full of hope and terror.

"She'll be happy to see you," Keith says. "Just don't tell her I said anything about her pining."

Mathias laughs and he nods. "Thank you," he says. "I... thank you."

"Just do me a favour and pretend you two are the same age when you're around me," Keith says and Mathias laughs again as he disappears down the stairs and exits into the midday sun.

-

When he finds himself in front of her school an hour later, he isn't nervous, exactly. There's a sense of fear underlying everything he does, every moment, a deep sort of terror that he can't quite place. He's far from scared of Veronica, but he's scared of what this all means. What this world is, who he is inside of it, who they are (or aren't) and although it doesn't show on his face, he's definitely scared. But not nervous.

Not even as he sees her coming out the front doors, walking with a young man he's never seen before. That doesn't mean anything, he knows, there are any number of Veronica's friends who weren't on the island at all or weren't there at the same time he was, but he's still suddenly struck with uncertainty. What if she's moved on? What if she doesn't remember him at all.

But then she's looking at him. The guy beside her continues to speak, but when he realizes she isn't listening, he frowns and follows her gaze, but Mathias only sees Veronica.

They don't run toward one another. Mathias is the first to move, pushing away from the fence he's been leaning on, then Veronica begins to walk again, her friend trailing alongside her. Other students cross between them as they walk toward each other, but Mathias doesn't notice them.

"So," Veronica says when they're finally close enough to hear each other. "You found me."

"I did," Mathias agrees. He wants to touch her, to hold her, his hands even begin to rise, but he forces himself to drop them again. This is new territory all over again and he isn't sure what to do.

"Mathias, this is Wallace," she says, nodding toward her friend.

Wallace, at least, seems to understand right away and he nods. "Yeah, so... I'm outta here," he says, flashing Veronica a grin before he disappears into the crowd of students leaving class.

"He made a quick exit," Mathias comments.

Veronica nods. "Didn't even say it was nice to meet you."

"No," Mathias answers and it takes them another minute still before they cross the distance and he reaches for her hand, which she gives to him willingly. It isn't much, not in this crowded parking lot, but it's everything after so many months apart and Mathias finds himself at a loss for words.

There's so much to be said, so many things he wants to ask her about, things he wants to tell her. But Veronica has always known how to make it difficult for him to speak, so before he can even open his mouth to ask his questions, she's pushed up on her toes and brushed her mouth over his.

"It doesn't matter how it works, does it?" she asks.

"You always like to know how things work," Mathias murmurs in return, his lips brushing hers as he speaks and he can feel Veronica smiling.

"Yeah, well, call this my blind spot," she says, then presses another kiss to his mouth.

When they part, still holding hands, Mathias nods. "It doesn't matter how it works," he agrees. They're here, wherever here is, and maybe they'll only have a limited time again, but he's happy to have it. He's happy to take advantage of this opportunity to be with her again.

"My dad said he figured you'd show up eventually," she says.

"Your dad said you were pining for me," he returns with a grin and Veronica laughs, a sound that Mathias finds he missed as much as he missed seeing her face. Every moment of this is perfect, as far as he's concerned, from her hand in his, to the memory of her lips on his, even the students walking around them, some of them casting glances in their direction.

"Yeah, well, daddy dearest is gonna get an earful when we get back there," Veronica says.

"He'll have to get used to his daughter dating an older man," Mathias tells her with a smile.

She cocks her head slightly, looking up at him. "Are we dating again, then?"

"I don't know that we ever stopped," Mathias answers and for a moment they just stand there.

For a moment, if he pretends, they've never been apart.

When he wakes that morning, nothing seems out of the ordinary. His pillow is pushed up against the wall and he's sleeping on his arms instead, but that's nothing unusual. Sam is already awake, playing with her crayons on the floor of his bedroom and he rolls to the side, resting his head on his hand, smiling down at her.

"Good morning," he says.

"Morning," she replies, pausing in her colouring. "How come your pillow's different?"

With a frown, Mathias looks at his pillow, then pauses and stares at it for a long moment. It isn't a pillow anymore, but a large, rectangular rock that looks vaguely pillow-shaped. The only person he can think of who might play a prank on him is Danny, but this doesn't seem like the type of thing he would do.

"I'm not sure," he tells Sam, pushing back the blankets and getting out of bed.

An hour later, he is sure. Sam seems delighted, giggling every time Mathias touches something and it turns to stone, but she also makes sure to keep her things away from him. He isn't allowed to touch her squirrel and she scurries back and forth, collecting her own toys and making sure he stays away from the dogs.

"Taser can't be a rock," she informs him as they all head outside and Mathias sighs, trying again to find a shirt to wear. Somehow he's been allowed to put on a pair of shorts, but every shirt he picks up turns to stone. It's embarrassing, but he might have to ask Lucy to help dress him. Like a child.

With a muttered curse, he tries to close the front door of their hut, only to have the entire thing turn to stone. From behind him, Sam starts to giggle wildly and he sighs, rubbing his forehead with one hand, then begins to shove his shoulder against the door, trying to make sure he can get it back open.

On the beach, sitting on a towel near the water, watching Sam as she plays in the shallow water, Mathias wishes his cast was off already. He has only a few days left, hopefully, but he wants to be in that water with her now, he wants to be diving and swimming and surfing, but he still can't do any of those things. It isn't that he's in a bad mood, just that he's feeling restless and restricted. Though no one would know it to look at him, he's also faintly troubled about his actions lately.

It's something he'd done as a much younger man, after his heart had been broken, visiting pubs with Henrich, getting drunk and ending up in bed with a girl he hadn't known. He's always thought he's grown out of that, but apparently he hasn't. His heart is broken and so he's looked for something to drown that out, but the problem with doing that on the island is that no one is really a stranger.

Not that he had even tried to seek out someone he didn't know. Lost in his own thoughts, he doesn't notice the dogs sniffing around Sam at first.

"King, no!" he calls when the big dogs knocks her over and for a moment she just looks at Mathias, as if she's deciding whether or not she wants to cry, then begins to whimper. It's a bit of a display, but eventually Mathias manages to heave himself to his feet and hops across the sand to where Sam is sitting, trying to keep himself out of the water.

"Can you stand up and come with me, honey?" he asks, holding his hands out to her.

"Pick me up," Sam says and Mathias winces.

"A few more days yet," he tells her, still holding his hands out, standing on one foot in the shallow waters on the beach.

Sam wakes him up, which is strange, crawling into the bed he and Veronica share, her stuffed squirrel tucked carefully under one arm. When he opens his eyes, he registers the early morning sunlight slanting through the windows first, then the fact that the empty place beside him in bed is cold and, finally, that Sam is looking at him with something bordering on concern.

"Good morning," he says.

"Morning," Sam answers, tucking her legs under her body, still watching him.

The hut is far too quiet. The dogs are likely outside with Veronica, he thinks, and so he pushes back the blanket and holds his arms out to Sam, who lets herself be lifted onto his hip. "Is Veronica outside?" he asks and she shrugs, looking down and playing with the squirrel's paws.

"I think, I think... she's not here," she says finally and even as Mathias frowns, trying to deny it, it registers as true. He can search the island, the Compound, all the places she might go, but the hut has never been this quiet since she's moved in and her side of the bed has never been this cold.

"We should double check," he says, setting Sam down to get dressed, then taking her to her bedroom to help her dress as well. The squirrel comes everywhere with them, even when Mathias scoops her up again and collects the dogs, then heads to the Compound. It's a long walk and he checks every place he thinks Veronica might be on the way.

Together, he and Sam check as much of the Compound as allowed, and with every moment he fails to find her, his heart begins to pound harder until it feels as though it's slamming against his ribs. Sam says almost nothing through all of this, letting Mathias lead her from room to room, her squirrel swinging from her other hand. Finally they find themselves in the kitchen and Mathias seats Sam at the table before he begins to make breakfast for the two of them. It's ridiculous, to be standing in the kitchen trying to cook when he knows, really knows that Veronica is gone, but he can't think of anything else to do.

Once breakfast is done, the two of them full, Mathias looks at Sam across the table. "I think she's gone," he says. "I think we should go find some people."

He doesn't want to, but he knows others will need to know. Keith, River, Lucy. There are others, he's sure, but he can't think of them now. Collecting Sam and her squirrel, he sets out for those three, trying to figure out what the hell he's going to say.