[For Veronica]

[plantfood]

The truth is, Mathias has been thinking about it for awhile now, even if he's never mentioned it to Veronica. Or anyone, for that matter. After losing so many people -- the latest being Henry, which he can't even bring himself to think about -- he isn't exactly open with his plans for the future with anyone. He knows this isn't healthy, but Henry's no longer here to tell him what to do and how to fix it, so he continues to keep things to himself and plays things close to the chest until he figures out exactly how he's going to go about doing them.

A part of him wonders if he shouldn't ask Veronica's father for permission first, but he isn't asking her to marry him, so he decides that's maybe a step too far. If that day comes, if they're both ever really prepared for something like that, then he'll go to Keith, he knows, but not for this.

At the moment, he's hunched over the kitchen table, reading a book on building, trying to figure out if his home needs an expansion before he asks Veronica to move in with him. Sam would be coming with her, of course, and the dogs, and he's realizing now that although he has quite a bit of room, it might not be enough. And this is something he needs to plan for. This is something he needs to go over and over until he has all the details ironed out and he can feel confident in asking her to move into his place.

Ironing out the details never got you anywhere before.

He doesn't often hear his brother's voice, but when he does, it's always involving something like this. Henrich would have acted impulsively where Mathias hesitates and he grins faintly to himself, wondering just how many girlfriends Henrich would have gone through already, had he been on the island as well.

Comments

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"I will," Veronica says. Time here, though, has a way of getting away from her, and if she waits too long, she might listen to the parts of her that don't want to move forward — or, at least, always want to move away from what she wants so it can't leave her first. Taking a deep breath, she smiles again, reaching past him for her coffee. Already she knows she's either going to think herself in circles or flat out refuse to think, but she'll deal with that when she gets to it. For now, she just has to stay calm and focus on the positive here. Maybe it will be good for Sam, come to that. "Just give me a little while to... get used to the idea."

[plantfood]

"It is a bit of a change, isn't it?" Mathias asks. Or it will be, if they decide to go ahead with it. Since moving out of his parents' home and finishing with the army, he's only ever lived by himself or with a small cat or, briefly, with Stacy. But living with Veronica and Sam will be very different in a number of ways and although he's excited about it, he also knows it will be an adjustment.

"The only roommate I've had for longer than a few months is a cat," he tells her with a smile. "A very small cat. I adopted her when I came back from my required time in the army and found I didn't really want to live completely alone."

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

For some reason, it hasn't yet occurred to Veronica what this would mean for Mathias, not outside of the addition of Sam. Until now, as wonderful as he's been with the girl, she's still been Veronica's responsibility; moving in together changes that somewhat. She hasn't really thought he might also just be lonely when he's not with her. "And now," she says, then cuts herself off, eyes widening a little. "What are we going to do with all the dogs? I mean, you know, if — that is a lot of dogs. You — we — they would need... room."

[plantfood]

Mathias taps the book in response and smiles, nodding his agreement. "That is why I am looking at building an extension onto the hut. Even now with just the two of them and me it is getting a little crowded."

That's not entirely true. He can use Stacy's room when he wants and the dogs have free reign of the house, but they stick close to him and he isn't sure that is ever going to change. If he builds bigger rooms, a larger place for them, maybe they won't seem quite so crowded together.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"More space for the four of them," Veronica says, slow, not because she needs to work it out but because she needs to work through it. "A room for Sam, one for us." She looks at him, expectant without knowing what of. It's more steps that she wants and which, at the same time, seem incredibly daunting. One thing at a time seems difficult, because it's all folded together now. If she's honest, that's a step she's been ready for for a while, but it's a lot harder to find a chance, to find time and opportunity, to initiate that, and she has to initiate that because it's her they're waiting for, but she wants to take her time, to do it right. She's never been quite sure what that means.

[plantfood]

It's something he's avoided talking about, if only because he doesn't want her to think he's pressing her. That is the last thing he wants, but Veronica is the one who's brought it up now, even if he's the one who has started the entire conversation with his suggestion that they move in together.

"A room for us," Mathias agrees, looking at her in return. "But Veronica, I still stand by what has been said before. I can wait for you." He doesn't understand, and probably never will, that sometimes pressing a person isn't the end of the world.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

Veronica hesitates, an answer on her tongue held back when she remembers where they are. It's not something she wants to talk seriously about in public, though the kitchen is, at least, not as crowded as it could be. "You are amazing," she says. "I don't know how you got to be this amazing. Can we... can we talk about this somewhere more private? It's just, you know. The kitchen." His willingness to wait, though, only makes her feel more sure she doesn't want to. He's been so patient with her, so ready to bend to what she needs; she'd be crazy, she thinks, not to recognize how rare that is and how important.

[plantfood]

He laughs, the nods, beginning to collect his books and information on building. "Of course," he says, tucking the books under one arm, then rising and offering Veronica his hand. He's never been called amazing before, not that he can remember and certainly not by a woman, and it makes him feel warm. Although he doesn't flush, he can still feel heat creeping up his neck and it's not unpleasant, not by far. It's just not particularly familiar.

"Where would you like to go?" he asks.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

It's only when he asks that Veronica realizes she doesn't know. She hadn't thought beyond just not talking about this here. Taking his hand, she gets to her feet, shaking her head. "Outside?" she suggests. "Somewhere quiet? Just, you know, somewhere... less public." Before she can pick a destination, she heads for the door. They'll figure it out as they go.

[plantfood]

"We are depriving dedicated eavesdroppers to a particularly interesting conversation," Mathias warns with a smile, although he doesn't think anyone was really listening in. Still, he understands the desire for somewhere more private and more quiet, and so he lets Veronica lead him out of the Compound and into the sunshine.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"Then they should learn to have better conversations themselves," Veronica says, heading for the orchard. It's usually quiet there, at least, except for the occasional gardener, who are easier to avoid than a roomful of people. She glances at him once they're safe, walking in the shade of the trees. "You don't have to. Wait. I mean, for one thing, if we — if we're going to share a house, a bed? It's kind of ridiculous. This isn't a Jane Austen novel. And for another, I... I don't think I want to wait."

[plantfood]

Mathias has been so immersed in this idea that he has to wait and let Veronica take the first step, that he flounders for a moment, unsure of what to do now that she's actually doing it. It certainly isn't that he doesn't want to, but he's surprised and he turns as they walk, looking down at her for a moment.

"Are you certain?" he asks, which is a stupid question. He's never pressured her, never given her any reason to force herself to do something she doesn't want to do, but he still wants to be sure. He needs to be sure, if only for himself.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

Veronica hesitates for only a second before the fact she's supposed to respond catches up with her, and she nods quickly, coloring a little. "I... yeah," she says. "Yeah. I mean, we should, you know, probably wait until we're inside a house or something, but uh... yes." Her stomach's in knots when she says it, but she's been over this in her head enough times to know that isn't to do with him. It's just been a long, long time since she last slept with anyone and, in spite of her best efforts, she can't help being nervous about getting back to it, but that doesn't make her less sure about him.

[plantfood]

He laughs at that and nods his agreement, rubbing one hand over his beard thoughtfully. Although he isn't the kind of person to blush at all, he can feel his cheeks growing warm now as he thinks about it. "You are probably right about that," he agrees, fighting against the smile that's pulling up the corners of his mouth and finding that he's completely unable.

He turns, then, pausing in the orchard and pulls Veronica to him, leaning down to press a kiss to her mouth. This isn't the time -- or the place, he knows -- but he kisses her anyway, because they're nearly alone and he wants to, more than anything.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

Veronica all but laughs against his lips, leaning into it. Now she's gone and actually said something, it's a relief, really, and she doesn't care if they're in a relatively public space or not. "I trust you," she says, eyes still closed. In a way, though it's been true for quite a long time, it's more important than whether or not she loves him, even harder to come by. Most of the people she's thought she could trust have disappointed her in the end, but she genuinely doesn't think he'll be one of them.

[plantfood]

That warms him, too, and with his eyes closed, he smiles against her mouth. Anywhere else in the world, they would look like any other normal couple with all the highs and lows of any other normal relationship and he's glad for that. Even with all the things that aren't normal about where they live, he's glad they have this.

"I am happy," he says in return. Pulling back, he brushes her hair back, letting it slide through his fingers and he says, "I just hope your father trusts me as well, should we decide that living together is a good idea."

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"I don't think you have to worry about him," Veronica says. Compared to the other boys she's dated — boys who dealt drugs, boys suspected of murder, boys whose lives were routinely more dangerous even than her own had once been — he's harmless. "He just wants me to be happy. And I am. And he likes you." He doesn't disapprove, at least, which is frequently close enough.

[plantfood]

Mathias isn't sure he'd go quite that far, but he's still glad to hear Veronica say it and he smiles again, still stroking his fingers through her hair. "Sometimes," he starts, wondering if he's really going to say this and just how embarrassed he'll be at the end, "When I'm thinking about you and I or wondering how to start a conversation, I imagine what my brother would have done. Then I do things the way I would do them anyway and I'm glad I have."

If he had done things Henrich's way, he suspects he would have ruined this a very long time ago.

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"I'm glad you have, too," Veronica says with a laugh. She's still sorry she doesn't know Henrich, sorry she'll probably never meet him or any of the rest of Mathias' family, daunting as the idea of doing so may be, but it's one thing to imagine his advice, another to take it. "I'm dating you, not your brother."

[plantfood]

"That never would have stopped him from trying to give advice. To the both of us," Mathias says with a small grin. "He was very much a meddler." It's not something he ever imagined he'd miss, but he does now. Just a little bit. Still, he thinks he's done relatively well on his own and he's glad that he and Veronica have made it this far, muddling through together.

"He would have driven you crazy," he says. "But he would have liked you."

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

Veronica closes her eyes and smiles. It's only that easy, she thinks, when they're making assumptions for each other, when there's no one else to say how they do or don't feel (her mother would have liked him, but that opinion doesn't matter anymore). That doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate hearing it. "I hope so," she says. "That he would have liked me. I don't know about driving me crazy, although that would probably be fair." She has a tendency to do the same to others herself.

[plantfood]

"He drives everyone crazy," Mathias says, not thinking to correct himself and use the past tense. Either way, it doesn't matter much now, whether Henrich drove people crazy or not. He's gone and Mathias misses him, but he has to stop dwelling in order to keep going and to move on.

"Not in the good way," he adds with a smile, then shrugs. "But it doesn't matter now."

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

"You know you can always talk to me about him," Veronica offers. She's not planning to push for it, but it bears repeating. That part of his life might be over, but that doesn't mean there aren't parts of it worth remembering. Just because she chooses not to talk about her own past all that much doesn't mean she's against hearing about his. "About any of it."

[plantfood]

For a moment his face loses all expression and he thinks of how he's lost Henry now, the only person on the island whose job it was to actually listen to what Mathias was saying. He knows he could find a different doctor, but he doesn't trust any of them like he trusted Henry and, more than anything, he doesn't want to start over with someone new.

He also doesn't want to push his problems with his brother's death and Mexico onto anyone he loves.

"I know," he says after a moment, smiling faintly again. "Sometimes it is just... zu viel... too much."

[neptune-sleuth.livejournal.com]

Veronica shakes her head. "Then you let me help you with it," she says. "Maybe it won't be too much for two." It doesn't work like that and it does. There are times no one can do anything, she knows that; she's had too many of those times not to know. There are times, though, when just being heard helps. She's not always very good at it, but she can try.