plantfood | [For Veronica]

[For Veronica]

The truth is, Mathias has been thinking about it for awhile now, even if he's never mentioned it to Veronica. Or anyone, for that matter. After losing so many people -- the latest being Henry, which he can't even bring himself to think about -- he isn't exactly open with his plans for the future with anyone. He knows this isn't healthy, but Henry's no longer here to tell him what to do and how to fix it, so he continues to keep things to himself and plays things close to the chest until he figures out exactly how he's going to go about doing them.

A part of him wonders if he shouldn't ask Veronica's father for permission first, but he isn't asking her to marry him, so he decides that's maybe a step too far. If that day comes, if they're both ever really prepared for something like that, then he'll go to Keith, he knows, but not for this.

At the moment, he's hunched over the kitchen table, reading a book on building, trying to figure out if his home needs an expansion before he asks Veronica to move in with him. Sam would be coming with her, of course, and the dogs, and he's realizing now that although he has quite a bit of room, it might not be enough. And this is something he needs to plan for. This is something he needs to go over and over until he has all the details ironed out and he can feel confident in asking her to move into his place.

Ironing out the details never got you anywhere before.

He doesn't often hear his brother's voice, but when he does, it's always involving something like this. Henrich would have acted impulsively where Mathias hesitates and he grins faintly to himself, wondering just how many girlfriends Henrich would have gone through already, had he been on the island as well.

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"For the pool?" Veronica asks, playing dumb. "Unless you want it to go in the library, I'd say so." She takes a long sip of her tea, then shakes her head. "If you're expanding, you know, the building crew can do it. That's what I had to do when Sam moved in." She watches him, expectant. He'll tell her in a moment, she's pretty sure, otherwise she'll have to start asking questions. Not getting an answer never crosses her mind.

Mathias nods, looking down at the book for a moment, trying to sort out his thoughts. He knows he could easily tell her he feels he needs more room for the dogs and she would likely believe him, which would give him time to sort out all the details he's been considering for the past several weeks. On the other hand, maybe Henrich was right, at least some of the time. Maybe, in a situation like this, it's best not to think about it too much.

"I know," he says. "I was thinking... I was hoping if I had extra room, you might consider moving into the hut with me. And Sam, of course." And the dogs, but he leaves that unsaid. The more he thinks about it, the more an expansion seems necessary if she agrees.

Even if some small voice in Veronica's mind had a sneaking suspicion it was something of the sort, it still manages to catch her off guard. "Move in?" she echoes, almost flat. It's difficult to arrange an appropriate answer when she's running through so many contrary trains of thought. Why not? They've been together nearly two years and something like this was virtually inevitable, inasmuch as anything is; she loves him and they're good together and she wants to be with him and there's a part of her that likes the notion. Then there's the part of her flailing madly around inside, aware she's a package deal now, though he's never shied from that, aware that this is an enormous step, that there's something dauntingly adult about that, too close to things she wanted when she was too young to know better. "That's... I don't know. I have to... I have to think about that. I mean, that's a big step."

Nodding again, he continues to look down at the book, smoothing his hand over one of the pages to clear out the wrinkles at the corner. It's the answer he knows is both the most honest and the most logical, but there's still a part of him that started to hope she would say yes right away.

"I know," he says, looking up and giving her a smile. "I just... I am looking at building an extension, I didn't want to lie to you about what I have been thinking. It's just... we have been together for awhile now and I want to live with you. I want to be there in the morning and I want to help with Sam and..."

He trails off and smiles. "But I understand. Take your time."

Veronica's quiet a moment before she leans over to kiss him. "Thank you," she says. He's never been anything less than understanding with her, honest, far more patient than most of her previous boyfriends, and so it's not exactly a surprise that he proves the same now, but that doesn't make her any less appreciative. Maybe, just maybe, it's not a terrible idea. Having him there in the morning, falling asleep with him, is startlingly enticing.

"I will think about it. I'm... not against the idea. I just need a little time to get used to it. And I'm not sure if uprooting Sam right now is a good idea or if she's young enough that it's just okay, I..." She shakes her head. "I'm still trying to figure out how kids work."

"I think that's how most parents feel for their entire lives," Mathias answers, smiling into the kiss and then leaning back in his chair. "I think my parents still felt that way, even when I was an adult." Although he's hardly an expert on the subject, he doubts anyone really is an expert on being a parent, even those who think they are.

Even now, though, with a maybe, he's still nervous and he tries to cover it with a smile. "At least that wasn't a no," he says.

"It's not a no," Veronica agrees, then shrugs. "It's not a yes yet either, but it's... not a no. So... you can keep considering that expansion and... I will think about it. Run the idea by Sam, not that she probably will really understand, but..." It's not even, she thinks, that she's against it. She needs time to settle into the idea. There's an air of permanence and adulthood to it that worries her, as much because it seems like tempting fate as because of her usual hang ups.

Mathias nods, showing he understands and he reaches across the table for her hand again. "Let me know if Sam decides I am an appropriate roommate," he says, smiling again. "Tell her that I promise not to play loud music after eleven and that I almost always pick up after myself. But if she agrees, she has to do the dishes."

He closes the book in front of him and leans his elbows on the cover, letting it go for now. He isn't going to push anything, not a huge step, not when there is a child involved. "Where is Sam now?"

Veronica slips her fingers through his, holding on. "With Eden," she says. Even if it weren't for Sam, she's not sure how ready she is for such a step, torn between wanting it and wanting to run the other way as she is with any big forward movement. That he can treat it with such levity while still being serious about it, though, reminds her again why it might not be a bad idea. They work so well together. Taking that step won't ruin that. "She spoils her rotten, so Sam adores her. Maybe you can bribe her."

"With candies and toys," Mathias agrees thoughtfully, as if he's truly considering this. In the end, he knows Veronica will pick what's best for Sam, no matter how many candies or toys he gives to the little girl. "Do you think it might help my case better than promising not to play loud music?" he asks, smiling at Veronica over the table.

There's still that part of him that sounds like Henrich trying to be heard. The part that's telling him to give Veronica all the reasons why this would be a good idea, but Mathias says nothing on it. He's not prone to impulsive actions at the best of times and this is certainly not a place where it would be appreciated.

"Yes," Veronica says, and that would, in fact, be entirely true, were it in Sam's hands. "Actually, I think she likes loud music. She does like to dance." She can't shake the sense that she should talk to him about this, really talk, but she's not sure how much the choice would be hers then. Good as she is at standing her ground, he might sway her into a decision she regrets (but how rushed can anything be when it takes a while to build the necessary extra rooms? How rushed when they've been together almost two years? She's known him, loved him, longer than some people even stay here). A little more serious, she sighs. "Are you sure you really want to do this? I mean, she's... she's not even four, Mathias. She's a kid and... you've been amazing with her, with us, but this is... more than just visits. It means taking on both of us."

"Hey," he says, smile disappearing as he reaches for Veronica again, taking both her hands in his. "This is not about taking you on as if you are both some kind of chore. I understand that there are responsibilities if you and Sam were to move in and I'm prepared for that, but that isn't why I'm asking. I am asking because I want to live with you. With both of you."

A little girl hadn't been part of the original plan -- although there'd really been no original plan that far back, just a vague idea of what he'd one day like -- but even so, he's happy to adapt. Happy to help Veronica as much as she needs and happy to take direction from her where he knows he needs to learn.

Somehow it seems like a mistake to her. This isn't a life she's imagined for herself in a long, long time and he makes it so hard to say no, easy to think maybe she shouldn't hold out. Veronica smiles without thinking about it, leaning forward to kiss him. "Where were you all my life?" she says lightly. Maybe she just isn't cut out for this, the domesticity of sharing her life with him that way, especially when it's not just her life anymore, and it's difficult to shake that niggling worry, but for a long time now, he's proven steady and good and loving, maybe more than she deserves. Even so, she doesn't mean to say anything more until she's speaking, clearly nervous as the words catch up with her. "Okay. I... I still need to... to see how Sam handles the idea, I — I don't even know that she understands the idea, but... if it passes muster, then... we can try that."

It feels good, just hearing those words, but the hesitation concerns him a bit, even if he understands it's in Veronica's nature. There are parts of a person you just can't take out, he knows, and he wouldn't want to, even if he could, but he also wants her to not rush into any decision she isn't sure about.

"Take your time," he says again, then kisses her back, because he wants her to know that he means it. He isn't going anywhere, not by choice, and he has all the time in the world for her to make a decision.

"I will," Veronica says. Time here, though, has a way of getting away from her, and if she waits too long, she might listen to the parts of her that don't want to move forward — or, at least, always want to move away from what she wants so it can't leave her first. Taking a deep breath, she smiles again, reaching past him for her coffee. Already she knows she's either going to think herself in circles or flat out refuse to think, but she'll deal with that when she gets to it. For now, she just has to stay calm and focus on the positive here. Maybe it will be good for Sam, come to that. "Just give me a little while to... get used to the idea."

"It is a bit of a change, isn't it?" Mathias asks. Or it will be, if they decide to go ahead with it. Since moving out of his parents' home and finishing with the army, he's only ever lived by himself or with a small cat or, briefly, with Stacy. But living with Veronica and Sam will be very different in a number of ways and although he's excited about it, he also knows it will be an adjustment.

"The only roommate I've had for longer than a few months is a cat," he tells her with a smile. "A very small cat. I adopted her when I came back from my required time in the army and found I didn't really want to live completely alone."

For some reason, it hasn't yet occurred to Veronica what this would mean for Mathias, not outside of the addition of Sam. Until now, as wonderful as he's been with the girl, she's still been Veronica's responsibility; moving in together changes that somewhat. She hasn't really thought he might also just be lonely when he's not with her. "And now," she says, then cuts herself off, eyes widening a little. "What are we going to do with all the dogs? I mean, you know, if — that is a lot of dogs. You — we — they would need... room."

Mathias taps the book in response and smiles, nodding his agreement. "That is why I am looking at building an extension onto the hut. Even now with just the two of them and me it is getting a little crowded."

That's not entirely true. He can use Stacy's room when he wants and the dogs have free reign of the house, but they stick close to him and he isn't sure that is ever going to change. If he builds bigger rooms, a larger place for them, maybe they won't seem quite so crowded together.

"More space for the four of them," Veronica says, slow, not because she needs to work it out but because she needs to work through it. "A room for Sam, one for us." She looks at him, expectant without knowing what of. It's more steps that she wants and which, at the same time, seem incredibly daunting. One thing at a time seems difficult, because it's all folded together now. If she's honest, that's a step she's been ready for for a while, but it's a lot harder to find a chance, to find time and opportunity, to initiate that, and she has to initiate that because it's her they're waiting for, but she wants to take her time, to do it right. She's never been quite sure what that means.

It's something he's avoided talking about, if only because he doesn't want her to think he's pressing her. That is the last thing he wants, but Veronica is the one who's brought it up now, even if he's the one who has started the entire conversation with his suggestion that they move in together.

"A room for us," Mathias agrees, looking at her in return. "But Veronica, I still stand by what has been said before. I can wait for you." He doesn't understand, and probably never will, that sometimes pressing a person isn't the end of the world.

Veronica hesitates, an answer on her tongue held back when she remembers where they are. It's not something she wants to talk seriously about in public, though the kitchen is, at least, not as crowded as it could be. "You are amazing," she says. "I don't know how you got to be this amazing. Can we... can we talk about this somewhere more private? It's just, you know. The kitchen." His willingness to wait, though, only makes her feel more sure she doesn't want to. He's been so patient with her, so ready to bend to what she needs; she'd be crazy, she thinks, not to recognize how rare that is and how important.

He laughs, the nods, beginning to collect his books and information on building. "Of course," he says, tucking the books under one arm, then rising and offering Veronica his hand. He's never been called amazing before, not that he can remember and certainly not by a woman, and it makes him feel warm. Although he doesn't flush, he can still feel heat creeping up his neck and it's not unpleasant, not by far. It's just not particularly familiar.

"Where would you like to go?" he asks.

It's only when he asks that Veronica realizes she doesn't know. She hadn't thought beyond just not talking about this here. Taking his hand, she gets to her feet, shaking her head. "Outside?" she suggests. "Somewhere quiet? Just, you know, somewhere... less public." Before she can pick a destination, she heads for the door. They'll figure it out as they go.

"We are depriving dedicated eavesdroppers to a particularly interesting conversation," Mathias warns with a smile, although he doesn't think anyone was really listening in. Still, he understands the desire for somewhere more private and more quiet, and so he lets Veronica lead him out of the Compound and into the sunshine.

"Then they should learn to have better conversations themselves," Veronica says, heading for the orchard. It's usually quiet there, at least, except for the occasional gardener, who are easier to avoid than a roomful of people. She glances at him once they're safe, walking in the shade of the trees. "You don't have to. Wait. I mean, for one thing, if we — if we're going to share a house, a bed? It's kind of ridiculous. This isn't a Jane Austen novel. And for another, I... I don't think I want to wait."

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