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neil

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It's early enough still that the girls might be sleeping, so when Mathias knocks, he does so softly. He told Neil days ago to be ready, that he wanted to go surfing after having not gone for months, it seems like, so he's hoping that he's not going to wake Neil up, too.

The borrowed surfboard is propped up, not far away, and Mathias glances back toward it as he waits, hoping that he hasn't been loud enough to wake the dogs either. Though he and Neil both have plenty of help, it's rare for them to get together without all the girls and dogs involved and he finds that he's really looking forward to it. The island has changed his life in a lot of ways and he's grateful for all of them, but sometimes, it's still nice to take a break.

He has a towel, dry clothes, some food tossed in a bag. As far as he can tell, it's going to be a good day.

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"And then I went into the army," Mathias adds with a grin, looking over at Neil. "Things were even more rigid there." It wasn't the best atmosphere for him, but he appreciates that they paid for his first two years of school.

Even if he'll never actually be an engineer now.

Coughing out a laugh, I say, "I must have like, some kind of thing for military types."

Mike, Tom, Kara and now Tunny. Seems like more often than not, if I fuck somebody, they've been in uniform at one time or another.

Mathias laughs at that and shrugs, because he thinks they probably all have a type. His is generally obvious enough, although he hasn't exactly done much in the way of dating lately. It never seems to go quite right, no matter what.

"I think Danny may slowly kill himself trying to get me to date," he admits, setting his board down. "It seems to be a... project, I think is the right word. A project that he's taken on."

"Yeah, man, I think he's gettin' desperate. I think he was tryin' to pair us up, couple months back," I admit with a laugh. It was just a joke, obviously but there was a comment made about Mathias seeing the light or whatever.

"But whatever. You should, man. I worry 'bout you all alone." I'm teasing him, but there's maybe a grain of truth in it.

Mathias shoots Neil a look, grinning. "I'm not alone. Between living with Sam and Lucy and spending most of my time with other people with children, I would say I'm very rarely alone, in fact."

But he knows exactly what Neil means. Somehow, he's just still not sure he's ready for it.

"You know what I mean, man. That's not even close to the same thing," I point out. I was never alone with Kara and the twins, but as much as I love Kara and my girls, there was always that gap where Mike and Tom used to be.

Actually, it's still there, and probably always will be.

"No, it isn't," Mathias agrees, lifting one shoulder in a shrug as he thinks about it. "I don't know, I tried, you know. Sookie and I... I guess you would say we dated. Briefly. In the end, she was still in love with someone else."

He smiles a little and says, "And so was I. That's the problem, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it is," I admit, the set of my mouth tightening for a moment. Tunny and I have talked about it, and we decided just to let it be, but I can't help but wonder if it's a mistake in the end, being with him when I'm still in love with someone else.

Two someone elses.

The problem is, Tom's gone and Mike's dead. No amount of waiting will bring them back, and no amount of waiting will stop me from being in love with them. So, my alternative is to be alone forever.

"Especially when one of those someones is still on the island and wants a second chance to work things out," Mathias says, because that's really the issue. He thinks he'll always be in love with Veronica, but he knows he might be ready to move on one day. Not now, maybe not even soon, but one day. And even then he'll be in love with her.

But it's because Sookie wanted another chance to work her relationship out that they ended. He still thinks it's for the best, but sometimes he wonders what could have happened otherwise.

"Yeah, no shit. That kinda complicates things," I admit with a snort of laughter, and whatever I think about Mitchell, I keep it to myself. I don't really know the guy, anyway, and Sookie's never asked me my opinion, really. Either way, I can't really help but kind of wish she and Mathias had worked out. I've never questioned whether Mathias was a good guy.

There's never been any doubt.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Danny will find someone new to awkwardly set me up with in the future," Mathias says, grinning. The blind date hadn't really been that bad at all, but sometimes there just isn't a connection.

"For now, let's get out in the water," he says, dragging his board toward the waves. "And we can talk about your love life instead."

"Fuck, man. There's nothin' to say," I laugh, kicking off my sandals and carrying my board toward the water's edge.

"I mean, it's good, you know?"

"Good is better than not good or even nonexistent," Mathias answers as the water starts to lap around his ankles. "Good is... well, it's good." And if there's anyone on the island he thinks deserves good who doesn't already have it, it's Neil.

"Which I know sounds obvious, but I just mean I'm glad," he says.

"Fuck off, man. You're supposed to be heartbroken," I tease, flashing him a grin as the two of us trudge deeper into the water.

But he's right. Good is good and it's more than I would've hoped for, not too long ago.

"I will wait for you," Mathias deadpans in return, smirking down at his board. For awhile, he remembers being worried he and Neil had potentially ruined their friendship, but they've both come a long way, he thinks. And things always change, but sometimes that's not such a bad thing.

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