plantfood | (no subject)

Entry tags:

neil

(no subject)

It's early enough still that the girls might be sleeping, so when Mathias knocks, he does so softly. He told Neil days ago to be ready, that he wanted to go surfing after having not gone for months, it seems like, so he's hoping that he's not going to wake Neil up, too.

The borrowed surfboard is propped up, not far away, and Mathias glances back toward it as he waits, hoping that he hasn't been loud enough to wake the dogs either. Though he and Neil both have plenty of help, it's rare for them to get together without all the girls and dogs involved and he finds that he's really looking forward to it. The island has changed his life in a lot of ways and he's grateful for all of them, but sometimes, it's still nice to take a break.

He has a towel, dry clothes, some food tossed in a bag. As far as he can tell, it's going to be a good day.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"I would laugh if you fell off over and over again," Mathias points out sincerely, then he grins, because although he's teasing, he likely would. He's that comfortable with Neil, which is a good thing, something he perhaps has had with only a few other people in his lifetime.

Grabbing his board, he tucks it under his arm, then nods for the beach. "Are they still sleeping right now?" It's how he's left Sam and although she's good most of the time, he's noticed she isn't happy lately if he or Lucy leave her for long periods of time.

"That's 'cause you are an asshole," I say with a grin, walking around to the side of the house so I can grab my board.

"I left Flo watchin' cartoons. Mack and Callie were still sleepin', I guess. And I talked to Kara, but I'm not real sure she was actually awake durin' it."

Mathias laughs, nodding. "I talked to Lucy last night while she was still awake," he says. "Sam gets kinda... upset if she doesn't know where we are some of the time. I usually gotta clear it with her first before I do anything that's gonna take me more than half the day. Like a little warden."

He's joking about it, but it's true, and he understands it well enough. She's lost plenty of people in her short life and Mathias doesn't want her to ever think she's lost anymore.

"Flora gets like that, sometimes. I mean, Mack's basically fine with anybody, long as they're payin' attention to her, but I think Flo worries."

She worries about things kids her age shouldn't have to, which is one of the things I hate most about this place.

"Sam as well," Mathias says, nodding as his smile fades a little. He understands why she worries, given everyone she's lost and everything she's been through, but he wishes she didn't have to. "Are they going to school next semester? I was thinking about putting Sam into reading and writing, but she seems very against it right now."

He thinks it's mostly due to not wanting to be away from home for very long and he's hoping she'll come around eventually.

They already go in to preschool at the Children's Office a couple times a week, so they're learning stuff, but I know it's getting time for real school. Which is fucking crazy.

"Fall semester, I think," I say, feeling a mix of pride and dread at the idea of how quick time's moving. How big they're getting. How I haven't managed to fuck 'em up yet.

Mathias nods, wondering if Neil worries about it as much as he does. "It's strange," he says slowly, trying to find the right words. "School is very different here from what I'm used to. Probably from what you grew up with as well, yes?"

And he's sure there are benefits to that, but he also wants to make sure that Sam doesn't miss out on anything. "I was thinking of trying some kind of... home schooling as well."

"Fuck... Yeah, I guess it was. School I went to was shit. Nobody really gave a damn," I admit, coughing out a laugh. I can't help but wonder, sometimes, how different my life would've been if somebody had paid attention. If somebody had realized something was happening with me, and actually gave a damn.

But they didn't.

"Sam'd probably like that. At least 'til she's okay with letting you outta her sight."

"It was different for me. Studies were very important," Mathias says as they near the beach. He shifts the surfboard, hoping there are some decent waves for him to practice on today. "Very rigid. There was class, then lunch, then more class and when we went home, we were required to finish all our homework, usually prepare for the next day."

He smiles a little. "I'm not sad that Sam is missing out on that. It was too much at times."

"I can't even imagine that," I admit with a cough of laughter. "I did... fuck all, in school. Learned more in the few classes I've taken on the island than I ever learned back home."

For the twins, I'm kinda hopin' for some kind of happy medium. People who give a shit but don't put too much pressure on 'em while they're still just kids.

"And then I went into the army," Mathias adds with a grin, looking over at Neil. "Things were even more rigid there." It wasn't the best atmosphere for him, but he appreciates that they paid for his first two years of school.

Even if he'll never actually be an engineer now.

Coughing out a laugh, I say, "I must have like, some kind of thing for military types."

Mike, Tom, Kara and now Tunny. Seems like more often than not, if I fuck somebody, they've been in uniform at one time or another.

Mathias laughs at that and shrugs, because he thinks they probably all have a type. His is generally obvious enough, although he hasn't exactly done much in the way of dating lately. It never seems to go quite right, no matter what.

"I think Danny may slowly kill himself trying to get me to date," he admits, setting his board down. "It seems to be a... project, I think is the right word. A project that he's taken on."

"Yeah, man, I think he's gettin' desperate. I think he was tryin' to pair us up, couple months back," I admit with a laugh. It was just a joke, obviously but there was a comment made about Mathias seeing the light or whatever.

"But whatever. You should, man. I worry 'bout you all alone." I'm teasing him, but there's maybe a grain of truth in it.

Mathias shoots Neil a look, grinning. "I'm not alone. Between living with Sam and Lucy and spending most of my time with other people with children, I would say I'm very rarely alone, in fact."

But he knows exactly what Neil means. Somehow, he's just still not sure he's ready for it.

"You know what I mean, man. That's not even close to the same thing," I point out. I was never alone with Kara and the twins, but as much as I love Kara and my girls, there was always that gap where Mike and Tom used to be.

Actually, it's still there, and probably always will be.

"No, it isn't," Mathias agrees, lifting one shoulder in a shrug as he thinks about it. "I don't know, I tried, you know. Sookie and I... I guess you would say we dated. Briefly. In the end, she was still in love with someone else."

He smiles a little and says, "And so was I. That's the problem, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it is," I admit, the set of my mouth tightening for a moment. Tunny and I have talked about it, and we decided just to let it be, but I can't help but wonder if it's a mistake in the end, being with him when I'm still in love with someone else.

Two someone elses.

The problem is, Tom's gone and Mike's dead. No amount of waiting will bring them back, and no amount of waiting will stop me from being in love with them. So, my alternative is to be alone forever.

"Especially when one of those someones is still on the island and wants a second chance to work things out," Mathias says, because that's really the issue. He thinks he'll always be in love with Veronica, but he knows he might be ready to move on one day. Not now, maybe not even soon, but one day. And even then he'll be in love with her.

But it's because Sookie wanted another chance to work her relationship out that they ended. He still thinks it's for the best, but sometimes he wonders what could have happened otherwise.

"Yeah, no shit. That kinda complicates things," I admit with a snort of laughter, and whatever I think about Mitchell, I keep it to myself. I don't really know the guy, anyway, and Sookie's never asked me my opinion, really. Either way, I can't really help but kind of wish she and Mathias had worked out. I've never questioned whether Mathias was a good guy.

There's never been any doubt.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Danny will find someone new to awkwardly set me up with in the future," Mathias says, grinning. The blind date hadn't really been that bad at all, but sometimes there just isn't a connection.

"For now, let's get out in the water," he says, dragging his board toward the waves. "And we can talk about your love life instead."

"Fuck, man. There's nothin' to say," I laugh, kicking off my sandals and carrying my board toward the water's edge.

"I mean, it's good, you know?"

"Good is better than not good or even nonexistent," Mathias answers as the water starts to lap around his ankles. "Good is... well, it's good." And if there's anyone on the island he thinks deserves good who doesn't already have it, it's Neil.

"Which I know sounds obvious, but I just mean I'm glad," he says.

"Fuck off, man. You're supposed to be heartbroken," I tease, flashing him a grin as the two of us trudge deeper into the water.

But he's right. Good is good and it's more than I would've hoped for, not too long ago.

"I will wait for you," Mathias deadpans in return, smirking down at his board. For awhile, he remembers being worried he and Neil had potentially ruined their friendship, but they've both come a long way, he thinks. And things always change, but sometimes that's not such a bad thing.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only